There is a growing problem among young Jewish men in today’s society which is affecting their spirituality and success in life. The problem is how common it is for these men to lack an interest in marriage, or even fear taking on this sacred commitment to their soulmate. For a young Jewish man to say he does not want to get married is a real problem, as his soulmate is waiting for him to get with the program, as are his unborn children and potential for wealth. The Torah says it is the man’s job to find his soulmate, and many guys today are not showing up to work. I can personally attest to the multitude of blessings bestowed upon me as a result of my marriage: I have a beautiful, supportive wife, five amazing kids, and wealth and success in my life which gives me contentment. This is only possible through marriage, and any man who is not pursuing their soulmate is leaving these blessings on the table for reasons often rooted in fear. The purpose of this lesson is not to plague you with feelings of guilt, but to educate you on incorrect ideas many men have regarding marriage today.
I hear all the time from young men they are not interested in getting married right now, that they are in their early twenties and just want to have fun, when they are approaching thirty they will begin to worry about marriage. They believe themselves to be happy in life, hopping from girl to girl, plodding along in their career to modest success, living it up in a one bedroom apartment driving a flashy car to the clubs at night. This lifestyle invites darkness and negative energy into your life, as the Torah says you risk losing your soulmate if you do not guard yourself against the accumulation of this negative energy. Every hookup comes with a price, and that price is a furthering of the distance between you and your soulmate. God despises a man’s lack of interest in marriage, which is why a lifestyle not in pursuit of one’s soulmate brings so much darkness to people. A man distracted from the goal of marriage is often consumed by addictions to pornography and masturbation, both of which lead him away from his soulmate and rob him of his spirituality and life force. Symptoms of a lack of life force are feelings of despair, excessive sleep, and lack of spiritual motivation. You lose your spark and your desire to get married, deviating further and further from this path to wealth, success, and contentment.
Another common obstacle for young Jewish men today is fear - they are afraid of making a mistake by getting married, they are afraid they will not be able to provide for their family, they are afraid they will fail in their marriage. One must only look to the Ketubah which says that blessings will come to your life only after you take on the responsibility of marriage. A girlfriend is nothing, but a wife is everything. Wealth comes to the man as a blessing on account of his wife only after marriage, not before. Hashem blesses the man so that he may provide for his wife, marriage creates the vessel which enables these blessings to be given. Much like the professional world, you need to accept the job before you receive the salary. While there are no guarantees as to consistent peace and serenity in a marriage, avoiding this responsibility will surely limit your wealth and success in life.
Arrogance can be a barrier to marriage for men as well, as today’s society pushes increasingly high expectations regarding a soulmate. Men get into a relationship with a girl and at first there are sparks as the newness of this relationship is exciting to them, then the shine fades away and they lose this excitement and seek it out again in the next girl, discarding the first. A man who is too demanding of a girl is a man with too much pride, and this excess pride will keep you from the blessings of marriage by convincing you there is something better out there for you. It is the man’s job to find his soulmate and accept the responsibility of providing for her through marriage. The woman completes the man, as he is rooted in Chokmah and her in Binah. Women are blessed with the gift of intuition, and they use this gift to guard their husband against attack from sinister people they encounter in life and business. Without a woman a man is left unprotected from those who would deceive him in order to cheat him, limiting his success in all his pursuits.
As a young Jewish man, what can you do to get back on track in your quest for your soulmate? Simply put, do the opposite of what you have been doing so that you starve your distractions and feed your focus. Ask God to help you restore your life force which you’ve lost as a result of spilling seed wastefully, and focus on becoming the “one” rather than looking for her. The more spiritual a man is, the more attractive he is to his soulmate. The more physical a man is, the less spiritual he is. Therefore, you need to end your pattern of bouncing from girl to girl and instead focus on your relationship with God and self-discipline. This is not an easy thing to do, but anything worthwhile in life comes at a cost. The greatest wealth you will ever know is that of returning home Friday evening to enjoy a meal with your wife and children. Once you have married your soulmate and honor her in order to receive Hashem’s blessings, you will experience these riches and find success and contentment in your life.